Inclusive Team-Building: Dos & Don'ts for Critical Conversations

DO:

• Ascribe good intentions to everyone.
• Establish a safe space for candid discussion.
• Begin with common ground to create a sense of shared purpose.
• Listen without composing your own response in your head.
• Use “I” statements: (I feel validated when…).
• Focus on the impact of the behavior, not the intent.
• Practice curiosity and acknowledge any “elephants” in the room.
• Be brave and embrace discussion of powerful topics like race, gender and gender identity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class, religion, living with disabilities, etc.
• Take responsibility for your own education and actions—including mistakes.
• Acknowledge the validity of others’ perspectives and experiences, especially when your perspective and experiences differ.
• Be open to learning about your own unconscious biases.
• Be aware that communication styles differ across cultures, race, gender, and communities.
• Remain empathetic and encourage empathy in others. Be ready to pause the conversation if emotions run high.
• Get comfortable with not reaching closure and revisiting the discussion at a later time.

DON’T:

• Tell someone else’s story, or assume you know how someone feels, or is being impacted by an event.
• Approach topics with a single-minded attitude. No one has all the answers and some issues have no ideal solution.
• Use judgment statements such as: “This person is trying to make me feel X” or “Good employees do Y.”
• Get defensive. If you feel yourself responding in anger or about to cry, leave the room and regain your equilibrium.
• Be discouraged by mistakes—apologize and consider what you can do differently next time and move on.
• Expect people with different identities to educate you or explain their feelings or differences to you.