Begin with common ground to create a sense of shared purpose.
Listen without composing your own response in your head.
Use “I” statements: (I feel validated when…).
Focus on the impact of the behavior, not the intent.
Practice curiosity and acknowledge any “elephants” in the room.
Be brave and embrace discussion of powerful topics like race, gender and gender identity, sexual orientation, socioeconomic class, religion, living with disabilities, etc.
Take responsibility for your own education and actions—including mistakes.
Acknowledge the validity of others’ perspectives and experiences, especially when your perspective and experiences differ.
Be open to learning about your own unconscious biases.
Be aware that communication styles differ across cultures, race, gender, and communities.
Remain empathetic and encourage empathy in others. Be ready to pause the conversation if emotions run high.
Get comfortable with not reaching closure and revisiting the discussion at a later time.
DON’T:
Tell someone else’s story, or assume you know how someone feels, or is being impacted by an event.
Approach topics with a single-minded attitude. No one has all the answers and some issues have no ideal solution.
Use judgment statements such as: “This person is trying to make me feel X” or “Good employees do Y.”
Get defensive. If you feel yourself responding in anger or about to cry, leave the room and regain your equilibrium.
Be discouraged by mistakes—apologize and consider what you can do differently next time and move on.
Expect people with different identities to educate you or explain their feelings or differences to you.